The reason I haven’t been as vocal as of late on my Tumblr is due to the fact that nothing has pushed me to the point to ramble carelessly on for over a thousand words. Eloise has been vacant from my life for a few weeks now and Joanna is merely a skid mark on my memories, so I haven’t really had all that many conflicts with people.
So instead of starting an argument with someone just for the pure fact that nothing excites me currently, I figured I might have a bit of a rant about something I love dearly.
'What might that be Useless?'
Well if you let me finish then maybe you could figure that out. You fag nut.
Okay, so those who know me intimately and even through The Useless Blogs would know that I have a deep love for many things. Coffee, Red Bull, Bourbon, Driving, Xbox and many other things. But there are only two things that can top the list. I have already had a bit of a babble about the Number One, that being my Family, so I guess you could figure out what Number Two is.
You’re all a bunch of idiots, I swear to god.
Anyway, no it isn’t my Religious Beliefs or my deep affectionate love for my Tits, it is mes amis.
Yeah, I speak French… not really but… yeah Google Translator does.
So, my Friends are Number 2 importance behind mine Family.
If you are familiar with my blogs at all, you wouldn’t be surprised to learn this, due to it being a very central topic of most of my blogs.
So, I haven’t really planned this all that well, so if it sounds very messy and all over the shop, bare with me, because it’s not going to get any better. I am not writing this to entertain you, I am writing it cause I am awesome and my view points should be heard by all those who can read… which kinda defeats the purpose of me saying heard… hmm..
Fucking English Language.
We’re going to have a good old fashion list off of some of the major qualities I believe a Good/Great/Grand Friend possesses.
Before I do venture into my realm of utter random quirky awesomeness, I must stress that these are things you cannot learn, but they are things that come naturally with friendship. If you don’t have these things in a friendship, by all means, try and work it out, I am not a counsellor, so I can’t vouch for my opinions being correct… wait… it’s the internet, I can do that.
Everything I write is logical, correct and makes complete and utter sense.
First off, and pretty major, you have to have a general like for the person.
Now, I am not one to usually vocalise the obvious, but this one is pretty important, so for you Justin Beiber fans out there, I think it is necessary to expand on this further, because you obviously are vacant in the head.
If you don’t like a person, you generally will not get a long with them. I don’t remember the last time I saw two people who despised each other and then baked some smiley faced cookies cause they felt like it. It just doesn’t gel. I have had my own fair share of friendships where I came to realise either I didn’t like the person, or they didn’t like me, and therefor had to end it, and I know it seems kind of far fetched to try and comprehend that somehow you can be friends with someone without actually liking them, but there is a level of pity and other things involved in that, which I will not venture into at the moment due to it’s obviousness being painful enough to me that if you don’t understand me, you will spontaneously combust and the world would shine a little brighter.
Hey, a fella can dream.
Second, and definitely one of the most important, you have to have trust. Some people may think that this is only mandatory with Relationships, but in a Friendship, Trust is definitely very important. If you don’t trust your friend, then there is obviously something drastically wrong. Say they did something that makes you cringe. For example, they have a history of stealing their friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, and you worry they might do it to you. Then you two are obviously not good friends either way. Them, for stealing your partner, and you for mistrusting them. Yes, Yes, don’t cut my head off and use it as a flesh light, I know the person who stole the partner is in the wrong, BUT I CAN’T THINK OF ANY OTHER EXAMPLES. So back the fuck off before I bust a cap in yo ass.
Yeah, I can do that.
Thirdly, I believe you should have some common interest. It isn’t as vital as other aspects of friendship, but it is important in a sense that if you want to have a conversation with your friend that perhaps you should have a topic? Say your friend is a racing nut, and you have a fear of fast speeds, then maybe you have to find some other common ground to communicate on? Maybe not, like I said if you are both amazing friends but like the exact opposite, I am not discouraging you as friends, if you can make a friendship work with different interests then I applaud you.
Cause I probably can’t.
Fourthly, I think that Sacrifice is a big part of friendship. Not like a goat or something, that’s a bit strange… I have never had to cut the head off a chicken and stick it up my dick hole to maintain a healthy friendship, and if you do then I think you have a lot more problems than who your friends are. Anyway, I’m talking about time and other sorts. To maintain a healthy friendship, you need to work on it. Great Friendships aren’t built over night, they take anywhere from Months to Years. My best friend and I have known each other for over 11 years, and I can whole heartedly say that I trust him with my life. We have spent days on end with each other, day and night. The time we have spent has built the foundation of our friendship. We are never out of things to talk about, not because we have similar interests, which we do, but because of our history together we can always reminisce about old times, etc. So I think that this is pretty important to a friendship.
On a side note, best friend of mine, if you are reading this, I love you. <3
Fifthly…. that’s a strange word… Fifthly… I can’t pronounce it. Herpa Derp…
Anyway, Fifthly, a good history helps. I have had my fair share of black marks across various friendships, and they do not help at all.
Say for example, the one I used before. Your friend steals your girlfriend/boyfriend. After a while it is forgotten, and a few years/months later an argument ensues over something unrelated. Normally, that history will be brought up in this argument. Most people who reference this friends past mistakes to further escalate another, and that I think goes without saying. If you don’t have a very darkened history with a friend, then that argument may not last as long, or being as damaging to your friendship. However, this particular point is very odd because sometimes the blackened history doesn’t affect the friendship too drastically. I’m sure you can guess that over 11 years my best friend and I have had a few speed bumps. Mostly wrong on my behalf I will admit. But even through all that we remain best friends, and I think that is a true testament to our friendship, and if your friendship is much the same, well done. You have a friend for life.
Well maybe not for life, its just an expression.
Lastly… well not lastly, it’s just the last point I can be bothered to list. You need Tolerance. If you do not have similar interests, or the time spent together to know every little thing about one another, then Tolerance is vital.
Friend A: “Do you want my Pickle? I don’t like them.”
Friend B does not like Pickles, how should he respond?
Friend B: “Fuck you!” -throws burger at Friend A- “You know I don’t like Pickles!”
Yeah, no, I didn’t think so either.
Perhaps this is a bit of a light hearted example, but it fits in pretty much any scenario. If your friend doesn’t know you dislike something, it doesn’t kill them to just say calmly “Nah mate, I don’t each Pickles, they’re as delicious as Rebecca Black’s singing.”
Should I wrap it all up in a neat and tidy bow?
Nah, fuck ya.
Disclaimer: This blog was not written to sway or persuade anyones choices or treatment towards their friends. This was written to convey my particular opinions, and I accept no responsibility for any friendships created or destroyed as a result of things I have written. You have read this at your own risk. Again, I did not write this as an attempt to change anyones friendships, the choices you make are your own. On a lighter note, I am in the market for a White Unicorn who shits rainbows, if you know of anyone looking to sell their call me on 1800 Useless.